Kite-Plucky

Those are some fun words. The word kite brings to mind two things. One is a note passed between prisoners is called a kite, and the other is a memory of me and some friends in the back of a pickup truck following a run-away kite when I was about 10 years old. I think I should get a kite. I remember them being a lot of fun. So I have been sitting on my ass for the last four days and have to go back to work tomorrow. I would much rather sit at home and watch cartoons. Ha, there's my tie in…Tiny Tunes. I used to watch that show all the time. And my favorite character was Plucky Duck…"Water go down the hoooole". Nite Y'all!

 

"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."

Anais Nin

Lack-Afterclap

So if some of you are unaware, I am a GEEK. Gadget/Comic/Movie/computer Geek. I get excited about things that most people could care less about. I would say the only thing my wife might lack (aside from being the most positively, absolutely most wonderful woman, wife and mother in the universe;-) ) is the fact that she could give a damn about much of the stuff I get geeked about. She is really supportive though. She can smile and nod with the best of them. I am sure she gets plenty of entertainment just watching me talk about stuff sometimes. Well tonight I saw her get excited about Iron Man 2 which was kinda cool. Granted it was because it was a great movie and not for all the comic nerd stuff sprinkled throughout. Excited about a lot of comic book movies coming out…Thor, Captain America, The Avengers, Nick Fury (rumored)-it's gonna be a great couple years. Also with and android tablet on the way and an FCC amendment that will keep Cable companies like Comcast for restricting access to some sites and the introduction of the HTC EVO coming next week it is gonna be a pretty cool year as well. Nite Y'all!

 

"In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil's might, beware my power -- Green Lantern's light!"

-- Green Lantern

Wealth-Malapert

I remember when I used to be a malapert individual. I can still be bold, but not in the destructive way I was before. I know I have said all this stuff over and over, but looking at these pictures we had taken today has reminded me how rich I truly am. It is not a material wealth, it is one that is worth so much more than all the cars, houses and "stuff" I used to think I wanted. It feels so good to be so truly happy and in love with my life and my family as I am right now. Blessed! Nite Y'all!

 

When you look at your life, the greatest happinesses are family happinesses.

~Joyce Brothers

Stand-Matriculate

I have an ill headache that is kinda crippling me right now. My head hurts so bad I can hardly stand. Gotta get up early. Seeing as how I've matriculated I now need to buy books. Financial aid becomes available tomorrow and I want to get there early so I'm not waiting on line forever. Nite Y'all!

 

"I thought so hard I got a headache."

J.D. Cobb

Withheld-Mugwump

Mugwump? How the hell am I supposed to use that? I'm not really stuck in the middle of any controversial issues. The last debatable issue I was undecided about was the nature nurture: alcoholism/addiction issue and I resolved my opinion on that. I do remain flexible on most things though. More-so than most I think. I think there is too much rigidity in some peoples beliefs. So much that they become bull-headed and refuse to see the possibility of anyone else's views. I think that if everyone gave more than they withheld in respect to compassion and empathy towards the ideas of others this world would spin a little easier. Nite Y'all!

"Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too."

Frederick Buechner

Stride-Muliebrity

So today didn't go as badly as expected. I walked in and hit my stride right away. The majority of my tables were great. They were nice and happy and most of them were pretty fun. This mother's day went well. Hope you all called your mothers. Nothing says muliebrity like having a child. Thanx Moms. Nite Y'all.

 

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.

~Jewish Proverb

Trial-Chevron

I had a trial of sorts today. everything just seemed so wrong. Managers were giving conflicting directions, co-workers were being a pan in the ass and there were some guests that were being just awful. I was having a horrible day until my wife, daughter and son showed up and brought me a milk shake. I got a big hug form my little girl and a kiss from my wife and it turned my day around, until someone poked a hole in my milkshake cup. That just made things suck again. Tomorrow is gonna be a battle. Going into work on Mother's day is like going to war. I should just put stripes, stars and chevrons on my sleeves. Might even need to bring a helmet and a side arm. People! Listen! Pay Attention! Love your mother? Then don't make her sit in the lobby of a restaurant for 2 hours. Buy her some flowers and tell her you'll take her out whenever she wants. Oh well. Nite Y'all.

 

"If you realize what the real problem is - losing yourself - you realize that this itself is the ultimate trial."

Joseph Campbell

Lashes-Eristic

An eristic topic arose today out of a simple facebook post. I posted a status update with the theme song from "The Big Bang Theory" and it triggered a pretty turbulent situation. One friend continued the conversation along the lines of scientific thought and another chimed in with biblical revelations type talk and with comments from both sides of the debate lining me up for my hundred lashes. The beauty about beliefs is it helps direct people in a direction they feel is appropriate. There is no right or wrong answer, although I am sure quite a few might disagree. I have always had my own personal value system. I didn't always follow it but it was there. Now I try to live them. For me what it all boils down to is humility, forgiveness and acceptance. Nite Y'all.

 

 

"Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it."

-- Hardy D. Jackson

Depth-Perpend

I sit here and perpend the events of the evening. My daughter was telling my tonight that some kids at school call her names like "Jerk" and "Stupid". I think about the things that I have been called in my life: Nigger, Stupid, Liar, Cheater, Loser, Jerk, Drunk, Druggie, Asshole and so many others. At one point or another I deserved every name I was called and even now a few of those can be apropos from time to time (I realize I am not perfect), but now I am called by many names that are such a long way off from those others: Father, Husband, Brother, Friend, Man. It broke my heart hearing my daughter talking about these "mean things" they were calling her. I sat her down in front of me and told her that sometimes everyone acts like a jerk. As for being called stupid I asked her what she thought of herself, whether she was smart or stupid. She told me that she thought she was smart and I said that's all that matters. I asked her if all the kids at school thought she was stupid and she named off seven or eight that thought she was smart and then I asked her what she should do and she said "just play with the ones who think I'm smart." Amazing how someone who is just 5 can grasp a concept with such depth and help me realize a few things about myself in the process. Nite Y'all.

 

"Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."

J. K. Rowling

Roller-Vamoose

It is kinda funny that this new format that I'm using makes me think of captcha codes. Well today was the last day of the term for me and today was also my last final. I am pretty sure I did a good job on it. so that will be the third of my A's for the term. Got one B. it was in a four credit hour class. So my GPA for the term is gonna be about a 3.8 overall will be about a 3.92. I am still amazed at how far I've come. Sure I have had some/plenty/many ups and downs. I have fallen down a bunch but like they say in the roller skating movie Roll Bounce, "Hey, if you don't fall, how you gonna know what gettin' up is like, right?" well it is time for me to vamoose. Nite Y'all.

 

"If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."

Jack Handy

Chained-Iatrogenic

I have been feeling quite untethered as of late. I remember feeling chained to insanity and selfishness. Now the only thing I feel tied to at all, other than my family, is humility. I have been through so much and come so far. It amazes me how little people really understand about addiction and alcoholism. Even doctors. I was once put in an iatrogenic situation when I hurt my back and the doctor prescribed me muscle relaxers and said it was okay because they were non-narcotic. Alcohol is non-narcotic and it had me fucked up, and I used to take muscle relaxers for fun. All that is over now. I'm not saying I am cured. I am far from it, but now I am aware and in the moment no matter the situation and that is that only way I'll win this battle. Nite Y'all.

 

A loser doesn't know what he'll do if he loses, but talks about what he'll do if he wins, and a winner doesn't talk about what he'll do if he wins, but knows what he'll do if he loses.

Eric Berne

Regardless-Jnana

Regardless of what you might have thought I did not disappear from this planet. I simply took some time to kind of reconnect with the stuff that was/is important. I have been undergoing a Jnana of sorts. There have been many times I had thought about writing, but I just couldn't figure out what to write about. So my new method is I take my oneword.com word and my dictionary.com word and include both into my daily bloggerization (I made that one up). They should be hyperlinked, but if they are not I am sure you brainiacs can figure it out. Hope you are all doing well. Hope to hear from you. Nite Y'all.

 

"We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing."

R. D. Laing

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble

I am currently in the process of writng a paper for english. The subject is Nature vs. Nurture: Alcoholism. I am puting a lot of past experience into it and some old wounds are are being picked at. Some old resentments are starting to creep up. It is kind of scary. Thank God that i have God to help me through this. God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change

These are the Droids you're looking for

Got a new phone this week. Its pretty nice. Running android os so ilove it cuz i love Google. This phone has made me think about my life. Just like technology i am advancing as well. I remember when all you could do with a mobile phone was to use it as a phone. Now there are additions that make them better. Now they really can accomplish anything.


Don't wait until everything is just

right. It will never be perfect. There will always be

challenges, obstacles and less than perfect

conditions. So what. Get started now. With each

step you take, you will grow stronger and

stronger, more and more skilled, more and more

self-confident and more and more successful.”

Mark Victor Hansen

Ch Ch Changes

I know I have been gone a while. Been busy procrastinating, with some work and school sprinkled in. the reason I am writing know is I saw an old friend today. Got me thinking about the direction my life is going now. This friend of mine was the best friend a person could have. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. Unfortunately, our friendship went south just as I was making these big changes in my life. As I was moving forward, he wanted to remain stagnant. So now the question is…am I better off without this person in my life.

 

We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry

Henry David Thoreau

With a little help from my friends

"You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed. You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest." I have been blessed to have learned what I have learned. Sometimes I know more than others do and sometimes I ask for help. I have the intelligence that some would die for and to others I'm as dumb as a brick. What it all comes down to is how will I live this earthly plane? How will I be remembered? The only way I know how to greatly impact this world is to give all the love I am capable of giving and urge my kids to love too. So do something for someone. Call a friend or a family member and tell them you love them. Smile at a stranger and say hello. Hold the door open for someone. I am willing to bet it will make you feel better than it makes them feel. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"Without humility there can be no humanity"

John Buchan quotes

Mi Familia

"You'll be on your way up! You'll be seeing great sights! You'll join the high fliers who soar to high heights." I feel on top of the world today. Everything just feels right. I was joking with my wife that when I was younger and I told people that one day I was gonna have naked girls all over my house I wasn't expecting them to be Barbies, baby dolls and a four year old. But that is what I have. Another thing I have is a baby boy who just adds to the love I feel in my heart. There are no sights better than that of my family. And I owe it all to the most loving, beautiful, forgiving, wonderful woman in the world. My wife.

 

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

~Erma Bombeck

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago

"Oh! The Places You'll Go!" When I first read this book, I couldn't even begin to imagine the places I would go. Now here I am, a little ragged from wear and tear. Two songs; one by Rascal Flatts called "Bless the Broken Road" and "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks. Both of these song remind me of the places I've been and how at time I hoped, dreamed and prayed for my life to take a turn for the better or for me to get something I thought I wanted. None of the stuff came to pass so that I could end up where I am now. I can't help but wonder what is next. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"Looking back you realize that a very special person passed briefly through your life- and it was you. It is not too late to find that person again."

Robert Brault

What’s Happening, Now.

"And when things start to happen, don't worry. Don't stew. Just go right along. You'll start happening too." Right now, it is getting hard not to stew in the situations I am having to deal with. My daughter has started acting up a lot since the arrival of the baby. The number of accidents has gone way up. She was having maybe one a month prior to this change in the family dynamic. Today she hit another little girl in the mouth for standing on a scarf. The thing that worries me is that there didn't seem to be an animosity or anger behind it. It seems like the hold attitude behind it is "that's how you are supposed to handle situations." Now I'm worried about where she picked this up. I've been going through my mind trying to figure out if it is something I watch or say… I just don't understand. This whole thing just frustrates me. But I guess I just need to let it go. What can I do about this RIGHT NOW? Tomorrow is another day. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."

Oprah Winfrey

Life with no Parole

"Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you." Things do happen. Life happens. I guess that is really life's job, though. To happen. There all always so many things going on. School. Work. Kids. Wife……LIFE. Sometimes I feel like it is all too much. I soon realize why I am doing everything I do. It's because I have a life now. People always say stuff like, "A life outside of work" or "I need to get a life." Well you have one. Work is part of your life. You choose the job so make it count.

I know this post was kinda random and I am aware of this. Just putting off writing a paper. Time's Up. Back to my essay life.

 

Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it

Unknown

Give it Up…

"And you may not find any you'll want to go down. In that case, of course, you'll head straight out of town. It's opener there in the wide open air." On my way to class this morning I saw an unopened bag of Oreos on the corner. They were just sitting there. You could tell that they were placed there, that they hadn't fallen out of a car. I started thinking about that bag of cookies and who they were for. In my head I could see a daily routine of a driver who passes, and sometimes stops, at that corner every day and gives change to the nameless guy that holds a card board sign saying, "Please, Help! Thanks" or "Trying to survive." I thought about how upset the Oreo gifter might have been this morning to not see the corner dweller out there. Did the driver think to themselves, "I hope he is okay."? Why was the cardboard sign guy out there in the first place? Was it a bad streak of luck or maybe he was just traveling? Well, I hope he gets his Oreos and I hope we can all give a little of ourselves every now and then. Thank you friendly driver and giver of Oreos.

 

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Kahlil Gibran

Ease on down the road

"You'll look up and down streets. Look'em over with care. About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there." With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you're too smart to go down a not-so-good street." I have definitely been down some not so good streets. Latly those streets have been a lot more mental. Ive been hanging out in some dark alley ways in my mind. Negative thoughts just start to drag me down lately. I might just be wearing myself out. Going to school full time (even after dropping a class) and working 30-36 hours in four days is starting to take its toll on me. tonight was just a clusterf@#% of craziness. I think I might need to get a little more brainy and get my shoes full of feet to take me out of those Effed up situations. Well at least I am home now. I am still tired but I am not hungry, lonely or angry so I should be great in the morning. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"A man is what he thinks about all day long."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

No U-Turn, One Way, Northeast, Left

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go." Life can take you on many paths. If you would have told me twenty years ago my favorite thing to do would be to read "Wizard of OZ" or "The Mouse and the Motorcycle" to my daughter every night before bed I would have laughed in your face. The last thing I ever felt I would be was a family man. Now, it kills me to work all day and not see my family very much but everything I do now is for them. I know it sounds cliché but I want my kids to have all of the things I never had. So I am very happy with the direction I chose. I am a father, a husband, a brother that has picked a pretty good way to live. I try to always do the right thing. I try not to speak ill of anybody. But most importantly I strive for perfection in mind, body and soul every day. I know I will never reach perfection, but I am making progress. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

George Bernard Shaw

100

K.I.M. (Keep It Movin’)

"Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to Great Places! You're off and away!" was in such a great mood all day today. Before class I read my favorite book, "oh, the places you'll go!" then I watched a YouTube video of it with John Lithgow reading, and then I watched a NFL segment with Harrison ford and some hall of fame football players reciting it. And I started thinking about what the book says to me. To me it says that no matter how good things get you still probably have some rough times ahead. But, its tells you how to get through those rough times. To me it says that no matter what happens if you just keep truckin you'll do all right….until you don't but then you just hold your head high till things get better. 'Nite Y'all.

 

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other

Walter Elliot

Take a look, it’s in a book…..

Reading Rainbow. What a great show. I remember hating that it came on only once a day. I remember going into the school library to read the books I had seen on the show. I read to my daughter tonight. I've been reading to my daughter every night. Right now it is "The Mouse and the Motorcycle." It is wonderful seeing her get so interested in these stories. She gets into them as much as I do. Right now that is the only leisure reading I do. I am so glad she is gaining an appreciation for books. I run into so many people who don't read anything but status updates and text messages. LOLing and IDKing the English language to death. Don't get me wrong, I love technology. I would even call myself a technophile, but I have a great grasp of the English language. Don't judge me on the grammar of my blogs. These are written like I think and talk. You know I don't care if someone spends all there time on line or not, but they should try to take some time to read. You can get free digital copies of books everywhere. You can get tons of classics from google.com/books. I hope reading and writing books doesn't become a lost art form, blogs are great but there is something about losing yourself in a good story. Hope I wasn't all over the place too much tonight. 'Nite Y'all.

 

Every man who knows how to read has it in his power to magnify himself, to multiply the ways in which he exists, to make his life full, significant and interesting

Aldous Huxley

There's nothing you can do that can't be done

So yesterday I was asking for ideas for my blog and one of my fellow poets replied by saying "OMG I can't believe you ran out of ideas, lol! What's the matter, is the family out of town or something?" I thought this was funny, because sometimes I think that I might write about my family too much. But ive been thinking about this a lot today and maybe I write about them just enough. I write about things that matter to me and no one matters more than my family. One way I can change the world is by showing my love for them. I can show my son through my words and actions that a woman is to be respected. I can show my daughter through my words and action that she deserves respect. I can teach my kids about having a healthy, loving relationship by showing them how much I love their mother. I want to become a role model for my children so they know to look for these qualities in their sports/musical/TV/movie heroes. I know "Morals" mean different things to different people, but Love is Universal. 'Nite Y'all.

 

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game

It's easy.

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.

No one you can save that can't be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you

in time - It's easy.

 

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

-The Beatles

+word(-word)=

It takes no special talent to be hateful or tear someone down. Heck, I can do that without trying. Apparently I do this often. It seems that we as a people have this amazing ability to make others feel horrible. I find my environment so much more pleasant when I speak kindly of people. You can get a much more powerful response from the world by just saying something nice or working to stop negativity. Sure it takes a little work but the results will blow you away. Sometimes a little effort can change the world, or at least the little bubble of space we occupy in this world. I work with some people who will spent an entire shift saying negative things about procedure or guests or even about co-workers. I try to keep negativity away from me at work. Some people won't even say bad things around me anymore. Don't be fooled. I am just as guilty of this sometimes, but the difference is I don't like doing it. Sometimes I just get caught up in the moment. But every day I try to better myself and the world around me and maybe some others will catch on. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead. Take control and choose to focus on what is important in your life. Those who cannot live fully often become destroyers of life."

Anais Nin

It’s all your fault

So when I got off work earlier I was in the car and my daughter tells me she left her doll at a baby shower they were at today. I empathize and tell her sorry. She tells me, "you don't have to apologize, it wasn't your fault. I'm the one who left it there." My four year old took responsibility for what she did. Granted it doesn't happen all the time but it amazes me the she can do something more than half of the people ii work with can't do. Even me for that matter. Sometimes I just want to blame anyone or anything but myself. Thank you darling for showing me that it is so esay a four year old can do it. 'Nite y'all.

 

"You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of."

 Jim Rohn

Women! Get Up, Stand Up!

I am amazed at how violent people can be. Especially to women. What makes a man want to hurt a woman physically? Last night I heard some yelling while I was reading and when I looked out my window, I saw some guy pinning a girl down in the back of the car and she was screaming. I run downstairs and as I get outside the street side of starts to come out me. I haven't always been the nice guy I am now. I used to be a tough little street kid. That just made me sound like Oliver Twist or one of the kids from Newsies… anyway… I get down stairs and this guy as this girl from behind and is pulling her back and covering her mouth. I yell that he better EFFIN let go of or we were gonna have some issues. He let go, I helped her out of the street, and he took off. I just don't understand it. A few days ago, my wife stopped a different neighbor from beating a different girl. I know you must be thinking that I must live in some shitty area, but I really don't. This problem reaches beyond economic and social boundaries. How do we go about stopping this? I am glad my daughter will never have to deal with this, because she will be very confident and strong willed or because I'll just go buy a gun.

 

"It's not enough for women to speak out on the issue - for the message to be strong and consistent, women's voices must be backed up by men's."
--Rep. John Conyers, Jr., Michigan

U

Sorry I lied to you. It has taken me quite some time to post. School has been kickin my butt. So every morning I have my routine. One of the things I do is set up a playlist to listen to on the way to class. Today as I was listening to my song selection, I came across a song I haven't listened to in a long time. This song is by Arrested Development, one of my favorite groups. The song is called "U". I am now gonna post it with some changes.

Lonely, Lonely, Oh Woe Is Me
Oh Woe is me I say
The complex cycle i go through almost everyday
To my dismay, I imagine being in this set
Me holdin' the 21st letter in the alphabet
All my life I'd been searchin' as if it was my obligation
To find who?
U but my patience grows thin
'cause U are letter surrounded by a better image
Marriage takes disipline, 
A problem that exist within'
The American culture I resist against
But I must recall and I trust that all 
I've learned thru life is givin' way to my wife y'all
'cause I want, not need a companion to feed 
the knowledge I read and the lovin' I've received
Through moms and my pops read a long life
So hey I prayed for the day I have a strong wife
And a strong son or daughter or strong both
Give them a foundation of values 
I think I'll make a great coach for them
And warn 'em of sin and maybe by then they can nip it in the bud
Before it begins
So hey, if you're listening and yo wishin
For a U like me that you have in store
Maybe I could be the U for U
And U could be the U for me too

The Sun Shined

I have had a lot going on lately. So no time to write. Still don't have much time. Just wanted the post the poem I delivered at my G-ma's service yesterday and let you know what a blessing it is to know how many people love and support me in all I do.

 

 

The Sun Shined Again Today

Though My Heart Is Heavy

Sorrow Filling Me

Like Rain

Fills The Discarded Origami Cup

Abandoned After The Tea Party

Of Little Japanese Girls

Raised In Gated Communities

Protected By Guards, Guns

And Razorwire Sharper Than The Minds And Wits

That Make The Best Of A Bad Situation

The Sun Shined Again Today

And Remembrances

Run Around

Like Little Boys And Girls

Run Around Their Grandmother

Who Is Making Sukiyaki,

Washing Dishes

Or Slicing Cucumbers Paper Thin

To Soak In Rice Wine Vinegar

And Sugar

With Chunks Of Crab

That Were The Only Thing Imitation

Surrounding Her Life

The Sun Shined Again Today

And I Connect The Dots

Of Memories

And As They Link I Think

Of The Path That Flows

Through A Century Of Lineage

That Expands

From Sturdy Roots

Emerging Into A Tree

With Branches That Are Strong, Weak And Weathered

And Limbs Heavy With Fruit

The Sun Will Shine Again

Every Time The Story Is Told

Of A Woman We Will All

Remember With Gratitude

Able to leap in a single bound

I want superpowers. Flying, invisibility, x-ray vision, mind-control anything really. I would even settle for a fancy Batman utility belt. The question is how would I use my powers. Could I be trusted with them. I'd like to think I would use them for good, but I'm not so sure. There are so many selfish reasons I could find to abuse my powers. So if anyone hears about a two day trial on super-speed let me know.

 

A hero is a man who does what he can. 
Romain Rolland 

My Sweet Little Punk

It is very hard to control my temper sometimes. I just get so frustrated. My daughter can really test my patience and drive me crazy. Was I this bad when I was her age? She can go from zero to pain-in-the-ass in 2 seconds. I love her to death, but sometimes I want to pop her little head off her little neck. Than out of nowhere, just when you cannot take it anymore, she becomes the sweetest most thoughtful little girl in the world. 'Nite Y'all.

Fathers be good to your daughters. Daughters will love like you do. Girls become lovers, and turn into mothers. So, mothers be good to your daughters, too.

John Mayer

I’m a 10 watt bulb trying to get brighter

You never see Superman sitting around with Kryptonite in his hand. Why? Because it would kill him. He doesn't think to himself, "I really wish I had some Kryptonite, right now." So why is it that when I start to get overwhelmed with life, I start wanting something that will destroy my life. I am blessed that I have the support I need as well as a simple set of spiritual tools the help me.

 

"The ancestor of every action is a thought."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

BIG hands, little hands

So I am sitting here thing about how people say that our time here is short. Life does happen rather quickly. Seems like yesterday that my daughter was born and here it is four years later and I have a son. When I look over my life I can remember times that flew by and others that dragged on. I watch my daughter play and she has no concept of time. The only thing that matters to her is whatever is going on "right now". I wish I could really grasp the perception of time. Now I go to the other end of the spectrum and I wonder how my Grandmother viewed time, especially at the end. When she died a few weeks ago, she was 96. That is almost three times my age. It seems as if that is the only constant in all of our lives. Whether we want to be or not, we are all slaves to time. 'Nite Y'all.

 

Time is what prevents everything from happening at once. 

~John Archibald Wheeler

People Are Just People

I used to idolize my father. I used to tell people that my father was God. Which gave me somewhat of a Jesus complex. I did not think I was God, just the son of. I used to put so much stock into what he said and how he acted. I was determined to follow in his footsteps in many ways. After he passed, I put all of my faith into myself. I figured I was all I need to set my life straight. One thing I had to learn the hard way is that putting your faith into people is a bad idea. Don't get me wrong. By all means you should have faith in people just don't put faith into them. The reason being – People Are Fallible. We make mistakes. If you must believe in something to guide your life, which would you choose- the one who made the roads or the one who drew the map. It doesn't necessarily have to be God or Allah or Yahweh or Krishna just believe in Good or mother nature or just doing the right thing. 'Night Y'all

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

Buddha quotes 

“Now that’s a horse of a different color”

When I first started working at my job, a fellow employee asked me if I was straight or gay. I told them to guess and they guessed gay because I was so nice and gay guys are usually nicer than straight guys are. I thought that was funny. Now, as I look back to that moment two years ago I see a distant image of what I am now. Even more distant is the Me who used to be quite a ways back. It is amazing what one can accomplish when one starts to do away with selfishness and self-centeredness.

 

"Don't judge men's wealth or godliness by their Sunday appearance."

 Benjamin Franklin quotes

Racing to the starting line

I am tired. Tired. Tired. Had a long week. Work, school, new baby, daughter, wife, homework. This week hit me like a truck and I am going to get up in the morning and do it again. And to top it all off in two weeks I have two more classes starting. No rest for the reformed wicked either.

 

 

"Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working."

Unknown

One Man’s Trash

I was looking out over the world this morning and everything looked beautiful. The trees, the grass, the street all looked amazing covered in snow, but so did the cars and the dumpster. It is weird how we can look at something filled with trash and think to our selves it is beautiful. Appearances are weird like that. Sometimes we only see things in the now. If we go and start removing the snow, we start to see the dirty diapers and discarded chicken bones. There was a time when I would walk around in new clothes with a freshly shaved head and face but if people were to strip me of my outward appearance they would see that I was nothing but trash. I looked good but everything that came out of my mouth was garbage. Hateful words and lies. I was a snow covered refuse pit. Now, although I am far from perfect, I am more like a dirty twenty-dollar bill. I might be dirty but I am worth something. I enjoy working on my inside. I just have to remember that if I am being hatful I am not being grateful. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"For the great majority of mankind are satisfied with appearance, as though they were realities and are often more influenced by the things that seem than by those that are"

 Niccolo Machiavelli

Time keeps on passin me by

Time is something that I am reminded of constantly. How much I need, how little I have, what I would do with more. Right now, I feel a little overwhelmed with everything I have going on and I am trying to figure it out. Full schedule at school. 25-30 hours a week of work, quality time with wife daughter and son. I try to remind myself why I am doing this. I try to focus on the long term goals. Sometimes it just all seems to be falling in on me. Accept, courage, wisdom…I need some effin serenity.

 

 

"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once."

Albert Einstein

DreaM143

I come into contact with women every day. Sometimes I think I hold women to a very high standard. Do not get me wrong, there is something beautiful about every woman on earth, but few are capable of being "perfect" there are four females, though, that no other women can hold a candle to. They are My Grandmother, My Sister, My Daughter and my Wife. The one I want to really write about today is the one I chose to be in my life, My Wife. I am completely, totally and unfathomably in love with this woman. She thinks I am ok too. It is so amazing to me how someone like her would choose to be with someone like me. She is everything I could ask for. She is funny, smart, and sexy. She pushes me to be my best. She is truly My Best Friend.

Just a simple writer- no more, no less.

Last Wednesday we had a homework assignment to read an essay titled The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama. It was an unbelievably moving a piece of writing and it was something I need to read at the time. I love when that happens. When something just falls in your lap at the perfect moments. Well our new assignment is to write a summary of the text. Unfortunately I have to keep opinion out of it. I must write this paper using nothing but facts. I am doing an okay job, and will still probably pull an "A" out of it, but damn, is it frustrating. Everything I have ever written has been soaked in either opinion or emotion. Even years ago when I was so detatched from the world and even detatched from my own life, I still wrote with passion. Sometimes school can be so frustrating. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace."

Dalai Lama

I know the answer

Looking back on my life there was a lot I missed. I was there, but I was not always present. I kind of glided through life with blinders on. Never really paying attention. Now I appreciate every moment I feel every situation. I stay aware and in the moment and everything is wonderful. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."

Frederick Keonig

 

Let the “Son”shine in

So tonight my wife and I are staying in the hospital with the baby. It is kind of weird being in this little 10x10 room that is just barley bigger than a jail cell. We have our own monitor that tracks his heart rate and oxygen saturation. O-Sat is just making sure his blood is getting enough oxygen. I am waiting for him to start getting cranky. He got a "trim" today. Circumcision is crazy when you think about it. I don't understand how people can get piercings "down there". Thank god he is young enough that he will never have to remember this. I can wait to take him home tomorrow. It has been a long, strange 37 days. It is one of the hardest situations I've had to deal with in a long time. Having a child and not being able to bring him home has been torture. Well that all ends tomorrow. If any of you could put your head on my chest you could hear my heart singing right now. I thought I felt complete when I had my daughter, but my son brings a new sense of fullness into my world that I just can't explain. My son. My Son. MY SON! Those words are just great. The only words greater are "MY Daughter and Son" 'Nite Y'all.

 

"One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be."

Unknown

I’m The Magnificent

"I'm the magnificent with a sensational style. And I can go on and on for like a mile a minute. 'Cause I get in it like a car and drive, and if the record is a smash I can still survive." I used to sing that repeatedly whenever I was feeling cocky. I can see my wife rolling her eyes at me in my head. I used to get cocky a lot. I did not THINK I was God's gift to the world, I WAS. I was a person that could do no wrong. I knew more than you knew. I was faster/stronger/better looking than everyone. I was as close to perfect as one could be. Except for the fact that I am not very fast. Not very strong. I think I am attractive to some, but you are not gonna see me on the cover of any fashion magazines. Though I might be kinda bright and I know a little about a lot, I am one of the stupidest people I know. Every day I find out more and more what I do not know. However, that is ok. It has taken me awhile to learn one important thing…I AM NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. I also realize, now, that no one is better than I am. Someone might have more experience at something than me, but they are not better. I may have encountered more than another, but I am no better. Sometimes it is hard, but I kinda like being just a man among men. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up."

 Deepak Chopra

Just another day in paradise

For a while earlier, I was overwhelmed by fear, frustration, and sadness all at once. I was sitting on the couch studying when I realized how quiet it was. Quiet is not good when there is a four year old in the house. I get up to check on her and as I start to walk down the hall, I smell this strong smell and my heart sinks. I start freaking out immediately. When I walk into the bathroom, my daughter is standing there wiping of her forehead with wet toilet paper. She had been wiping her face with nail polish remover. Why, you might ask? It was because she had painted her face with nail polish. It is a little funny as I sit here typing this, but at the time I was panicking. I slowly started putting all the puzzle pieces together. First, I panicked that she was using the polish remover, and then as I looked at her face I thought she had burned her skin with it. I soon realized it was just nail polish. My heart was pounding and I act very rash and kinda raise my voice trying to explain how dangerous it was. Now, she is crying and I'm on the verge of tears and she says to me, "you make me said because you are making Connor not come home." This floored me it was all I could do to hold myself together. after a wile I calmed down and went to talk to her. I explained how she had scared me. it was a pretty emotional night. Can't wait to see how crazy it gets after my son comes home on Tuesday. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"We experience moments absolutely free from worry. These brief respites are called panic."

Cullen Hightower quotes

Fake it til you make it

So I am doing this new thing at work. If I am feeling down or in a bad mood, I just give the first two tables amazing service. What this does is makes the people at the tables happy and in return they tell me how good I did which gives me the ego boost to try to make the following tables happy. It's been working well. Have been making great tips consistently and having more fun at work. Another thing is really talking to tables and genuinely caring about what they say. You find out some very interesting stuff. 'Nite Y'all

 

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. 

~Voltaire

Just like puzzle pieces

For so long I have tried to "fit" into things, situations, and other people's lives. I tried doing many different things to accomplish this. I have tried drinking, drugging, lying, giving stuff away, flattery, fighting, buying stuff…but none of it worked. What I finally did was stop trying. When I stopped trying so hard things start working out and It was easier to piece together the edges of the puzzle. Then, I started looking at my flaws and myself and before I knew it, I was half way done. Slowly I have been fitting in more of the pieces, like the ones I thought I lost of my wife, and daughter. Now with the birth of my son the picture is almost complete. It feels so good to finally belong. To be a part of something that I am helping put together. Cannot help but wonder what my kid's pictures will look like. 'Nite Y'all.

 

By building relations, we create a source of love and personal pride and belonging

That makes living in a chaotic world easier. 
Susan Lieberman 

Oh Happy Day

It is amazing where you can get moments of complete calm. Was just watching an episode of Glee on my way to class. It was an episode with a musical performance by a deaf school. They were singing/signing "Imagine" by J. Lennon. It was amazing how simplicity can give you new perspective on difficult situations. Today has been an interesting day so far. I am in a great mood and feel completely at peace. Even though I woke up and started fighting with my daughter right from the start. Just gonna kick it and count my blessings today and keep adding to my mental gratitude list. I hope you all have a great day.

 

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."

Peace Pilgrim

S-M-R-T

So I had my first class of the term today. Went well. I was really excited for school to start. It just feels so good to have a purpose again. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and they give me a purpose, but this is different. It feels good to be bettering myself. I went astray for so long that it is nice to be doing something that is going to make me better. A better father, husband, man……Citizen. I have never been so motivated to finish something. I am done with false starts. At least I hope I am. 'Nite Y'all.

 

 

"Education is not filling a bucket, but lighting a fire."

William Butler Yeats

I love kids. I was a kid myself, once.

So tonight I orchestrated what could have been the greatest thing to ever happen for two little boys. I was walking through my section tonight and saw a woman looking around. I asked her if she needed anything and she said no, her boys just thought that one of the gentlemen at one of my tables looked like Santa. So I slyly found out the boys' names and asked the fellow at my table if he could stop by and say hello to the two kids and use their names. The little boys FREAKED out. I think they will be good for most of the year. It is amazing how much it can make you happy to see children happy. It gives me such hope for this world.

On the flip side of that coin…..how can a four year old little girl make you want to slam your head through a wall? Sometimes my daughter is insane. I don't mean wacky silly. I mean like David Burkowitz-talking-to-evil-murderous-dogs INSANE. She is so lucky I love her more than anything or I would have to sell her to the circus.

"Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children."
Samuel Butler

Broken Shoelaces

It was a tough day today. Wasn't in the best of moods. Just felt like the world was against me today. Like everything was just left of center. Just feel like I've been in this crazy funk lately. Yesterday I just said Eff the world and today I felt like everyone was out to get me. Or I felt that everyone in this world is unworthy. Just when I thought I was over everything the smallest little thing just pushed me over the edge. I just need to give it up so I don't have to carry this shit any more. Damn I am glad I get to start from scratch tomorrow.

 

"The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are."

Morgan, John Pierpont

Helping each other out

Lately I have seen some pretty amazing stuff. One of these things is I have seen a group of co-workers come together and help out their own. The out pouring of money and support is something I would never have expected from this group of people. They make me proud to be one of them. I think the main reason is who they were helping. This fellow employee is one of the nicest people I have ever met. She is truly blessed to be filled with so much love. And I know she will forever be protected by a very special angel. Another great thing that happened today was- my family got a helping hand. In a time where we are kind of hurting financially we got some help from an unexpected place. I would like to think we have at least one special little "Angel" looking out for us as well. This world can be pretty wonderful when it wants to be. 'Nite Y'all.

 

 

"Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses"

Confucius

I Yam what I Yam

I used to be a people pleaser. I used to do whatever people asked of me (except for the people who I should have been doing stuff for). I needed to be accepted. I wanted people to like me. Now I have realized that whether or not people like me or not isn't up to me. I have no say in how people perceive me. All I can do is be myself and do what I think is right. Now I can say no. and I know that if I don't want to do something I don't have to. It is very liberating to say no sometimes. It is nice to be able to stand my ground and not compromise myself. 'Nite Y'all.

 

"He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away."

  ~Raymond Hull

It’s my pity-party I can cry if I want to

So I tried to live my life with some humility today. Didn't go very well. At work I found myself not giving a damn. I just didn't want to play anymore. I just wanted to go home and lose myself in a movie or in a TV show. I have been starting to feel very overwhelmed lately. I just feel at times it is all just starting to be too much.

 

"Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world."

Helen Keller

Remembering with Gratitude

I woke up today to a text informing me that my Grandmother passed away this morning. It floored me. everyone knew it would happen soon, but I still couldn't believe it. She was born in 1913. She died at 96. That is 2.75ish of my life times. I look back over the years and I can't help but think of how this woman influenced my life, or should have. I remember my Granny (as my kid sis calls her) being the very definition of humility. She almost seemed incapable of anger. Don't get me wrong she could get very frustrated and when she did she had this scowl that I can see if I close my eyes. Most importantly, she marked the lives of everyone she came in contact with. I just got a message on facebook from someone I went to high school with 16 years ago. He told me he remembered my grandmother coming to speak to our history class. My circumstances maybe a little different, but how many things do you remember that involve you being in class. I don't remember anything outside of drama, communication skills and art. I grew up with a woman who was friends with both Eleanor Roosevelt and Troy Aikman. A woman who could say "please", "thank you" and "you're welcome" in almost all languages. She was born in this country and then locked away in an internment camp and the only thing bitter about her was some of the foods she ate. She was truly a testament to America and finding the American Dream.

The quote I am going to end with tonight is one from my G-Ma. This quote reminds me that now matter what the situation I should try to always see and hope for the goodness of people. 'Nite Y'all.

 

 

"War is what I'm mad at. People have been wonderful."

Satoye Ruth Hashimoto

The immeasurable amount of wisdom that can be gained by having a four year old

So this morning one of the first things that happened was I walked into my daughter's room and saw her sitting on her bed with a pair of scissors and a hand mirror. My first thought was "Oh, shit, she cut her hair" but then I just saw that it was messy because we didn't dry it very well last night after her bath and she just slept on it wet. So I take away the scissors and talk to her about always asking an adult before she tries to cut something. About 45 minutes later I hear my wife get mad. I jump up and run to my daughters room where my wife is sitting with a little chunk of hair. Little had cut her hair. So we make her go throw it away. I walk into the bathroom and there is more hair on the counter, I look down and there is more hair in the toilet, I look left and there is MORE hair in the trash. Not only did she cut her hair but she seemed to do it every three steps. This whole time we are trying to be stern and reprimand our daughter but I have to keep walking out of the room so the little girl doesn't see me laughing.

I carried the morning's events with me throughout the day. I was thinking about how much that situation is like life. Things happen that can make you mad. You must find a way to resolve the issue. You realize that with time it will all work out (or grow back). And lastly, sometimes you just have to laugh about it. Little did I know I would soon be putting this new found wisdom to use.

Our "After the Baby-Baby Shower" was today. Wife and I get there early to get things ready and while I was chopping some veggies I got some news that upset me quite a bit. All at once 35 years of pent-up frustration all boiled to the top and I flew off the handle. Threw my phone as hard as I could at the floor and took off. Now, I am no stranger to taking off. I was, in the past, actually a sponsorship deal away from becoming a professional "Storm-er Off-er". As I am walking I start to repeat the "Serenity" Prayer over and over and over. And as I get about two blocks away I come to the park, sit down on a bench, light a second cigarette and realize that this is a situation that I cannot fix. All I can fix is myself. And in that moment I had the wisdom to know the difference. As I sat there all kinds of things went through my head. Where I ended up was doing the opposite of what I would have done three years ago-I walked back to the house, finished chopping veggies, welcomed or guests and became evolved with the party. I had a great time. Laughs were had. Good times by all. I am blessed to have had such great tools given to me. And I am blessed to have a daughter how gives me such great wisdom. 'Nite Y'all.

 

You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance. 

~Franklin P. Jones

The Truth About Life

So lately I have wondered why there are so many ups and downs in my life recently. And tonight while read my daughter her bed time story I was remind that the reason I have lows is so that I can really appreciate the highs. Things won't always go my way but as long as I am aware and in the moment I'll be ok. So my quote tonight is the entire Dr. Seuss story "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" it is my favorite book and has been for over a quarter century. ENJOY!!

 

 

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

by

Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself 
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, 
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on y our way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up 
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's 
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

I will not regret the past nor do I wish to shut the door on it

So I was debating whether to write about the last 10 years or just the last year. Still not sure. I guess we will just see where we end up. Sitting here right now answering questions asked by my four year old. Questions like: What is a family, what do families do, how is your day, how is mom's day. She is truly amazing. Just had a tea party a little while ago. We had cinnamon tea with sugar and a splash of cream. She is sitting here watching me type as I write this continuously asking me what I am typing. She is following the cursor with her finger asking "what does this say" and telling me what to type. She is definitely inquisitive. I remember some of the details of when she was born. She was so small. To think that she was completely dependent on my wife and me and I wasn't all there. We did have some good times and I kept her from harm but that is really all I did. I pretty much just made sure that she was distracted enough so that I could drink without being bothered. I am glad that is in the past. Don't get me wrong, we did have some great times. 1^st birthday at the beach, lots of walks, but nothing like now. Now we spend tons of time together. Can't fix the past but I can change the now.

I can't believe that on February 2^nd my wife and I will be celebrating 9 years together. And in June we will be celebrating 7 years of marriage. It has been a crazy 9 years. She has been through so many ups and downs with me. She has seen me at my lowest. And through all of it she stuck with me. We have definitely come a long way since 2001.

My wife was also there for the death of my father, which was devastating to me. I remember getting a call while we were eating that my father was in the hospital. He went in to the hospital on august 28^th 2001, and died on the 4^th of Sept.. We buried him on 9/11. I remember putting on my tie for the funeral when my neighbors knocked on my door and told me to turn on the TV. . Just then the second plane crashed into the world trade center. That was a very interesting day.

So I guess I’m summing up the decade. I am sure I’ll miss a bunch of stuff, but oh well.

So marriage, the loss my father, birth of my daughter, birth of my son, loss of a child, removal of insanity, 9 houses in two states, acting, drinking, at least 20 jobs had and lost. So much can happen in a year let alone ten. Damn.

Saw many things that made me cry. One of the most powerful was seeing a black man get elected as president of the United States of America. Now I know this was huge for the whole country. Actually the whole world. But to me it was validation that my daughter, and now son, really can be anything in the world.

Well now I am getting overwhelmed trying to think of all the shit that happened in the last ten years. So I will end with what I think is the most important occurrence in the past 5, 10, no in the last 35 years. July 23^rd of 2007. That was the first day of my 893 sober days. That was the day I decided that shit has got to stop. I have now had three sober new years and I hope for another, but right now I’m just gonna worry about today.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

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