I will not regret the past nor do I wish to shut the door on it

So I was debating whether to write about the last 10 years or just the last year. Still not sure. I guess we will just see where we end up. Sitting here right now answering questions asked by my four year old. Questions like: What is a family, what do families do, how is your day, how is mom's day. She is truly amazing. Just had a tea party a little while ago. We had cinnamon tea with sugar and a splash of cream. She is sitting here watching me type as I write this continuously asking me what I am typing. She is following the cursor with her finger asking "what does this say" and telling me what to type. She is definitely inquisitive. I remember some of the details of when she was born. She was so small. To think that she was completely dependent on my wife and me and I wasn't all there. We did have some good times and I kept her from harm but that is really all I did. I pretty much just made sure that she was distracted enough so that I could drink without being bothered. I am glad that is in the past. Don't get me wrong, we did have some great times. 1^st birthday at the beach, lots of walks, but nothing like now. Now we spend tons of time together. Can't fix the past but I can change the now.

I can't believe that on February 2^nd my wife and I will be celebrating 9 years together. And in June we will be celebrating 7 years of marriage. It has been a crazy 9 years. She has been through so many ups and downs with me. She has seen me at my lowest. And through all of it she stuck with me. We have definitely come a long way since 2001.

My wife was also there for the death of my father, which was devastating to me. I remember getting a call while we were eating that my father was in the hospital. He went in to the hospital on august 28^th 2001, and died on the 4^th of Sept.. We buried him on 9/11. I remember putting on my tie for the funeral when my neighbors knocked on my door and told me to turn on the TV. . Just then the second plane crashed into the world trade center. That was a very interesting day.

So I guess I’m summing up the decade. I am sure I’ll miss a bunch of stuff, but oh well.

So marriage, the loss my father, birth of my daughter, birth of my son, loss of a child, removal of insanity, 9 houses in two states, acting, drinking, at least 20 jobs had and lost. So much can happen in a year let alone ten. Damn.

Saw many things that made me cry. One of the most powerful was seeing a black man get elected as president of the United States of America. Now I know this was huge for the whole country. Actually the whole world. But to me it was validation that my daughter, and now son, really can be anything in the world.

Well now I am getting overwhelmed trying to think of all the shit that happened in the last ten years. So I will end with what I think is the most important occurrence in the past 5, 10, no in the last 35 years. July 23^rd of 2007. That was the first day of my 893 sober days. That was the day I decided that shit has got to stop. I have now had three sober new years and I hope for another, but right now I’m just gonna worry about today.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.”

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